Yesterday we had another Adoption Support group evening. These evenings are organized by Child Welfare and always take place on the last Thursday of the month. I try not to miss them.

Most of the times, there are only a handful of people but yesterday the room was packed and there were not enough chairs to accommodate all parents (to-be). Clearly the topic was of interest to many.

Both mom and daughter introduced themselves shortly and it was mainly the daughter who explained how important it was to tell your child from day 1 that he or she is adopted. This is mainly important for same culture adoption where it is not so clear and where the child might even look like the adoptive parents.

I noticed that some people were reluctant to tell their child but then others gave us a whole new perspective on adoption. That we can be proud to be allowed to adopt. We went through a screening process and we were approved, approved to bring up a child. Anyone can fall pregnant but to adopt is not possible for everyone.

Then there was the example of when the child becomes obnoxious and starts using the adoption to hurt the parent: ‘you’re not my real mom’, you don’t really love me, I’m going to my real mom now. And then the different reactions of the parents. Some helped their child pack their bag and bring them to the bus stop LOL (of course there was no where to go from there…) and others started to reason and to explain until the child would completely forget what the discussion started about in the first place. All such good insights to hear.

If there’s a file of the birth parents with the social worker, the child can get the details when she turns 18 year. A meeting with the birth parents or mostly it is just the mother, can then be arranged.