You can imagine that I get a LOT of questions when people find out that I’m in the process of adopting a baby. It’s not really on top of people’s mind to see adoption as an option for their wish to start a family. In most cases couples want their own children and if they can’t have them, they will visit a fertility clinic and research their alternatives. So when I’m at birthday parties and my friends ask me how I’m doing, there’s always at least 1 person or 1 couple that is very interested in the story. And I have to be honest, I find it quite inspiring to suddenly see their eyes light up with possibility: “hey, maybe this is something that we can consider too…?” To encourage people to at least research the possibility of adoption really gives me great satisfaction. I don’t know when I’m going to have my baby, but to be a positive ambassador for adoption and the work of Child Welfare is really great. Once people know that I’ve gone through the whole process they start asking questions: So how old will the child be? Will it be a boy or girl? And of course the white South Africans ask hesitantly: Will it be a black baby? Will she/he have HIV? And I keep explaining the process and how difficult it must be for a biological mom to give up her own child but that in fact it’s an act of Love to do that. There’s a lot of judgment around giving up a child for adoption, I notice. Another thing I’ve noticed, is that for men adoption is often more difficult than for women. On 3 different occasions I had married women come talk to me about that they had wanted a child. They were not able to conceive themselves and they were willing to adopt. However, their husbands were not able to go that route. They either only wanted to have their own child or they didn’t want to have a black or colored child. Hm, wow! That got me thinking…I’m actually in quite a privileged situation to be single and to be able to make this decision on my own. As difficult as it is, no one can stop me! All 3 women felt that their life is quite empty now that the possibility of having a child is over. It obviously also had an impact on their marriage although none of them separated or got divorced from their husbands. I realize that not many people discuss all these issues before they get married but perhaps it’s an idea to do this. It also made me realize to indeed: Count my blessings and don’t compare my life with other people. I guess single people idealize the married life whereas couples maybe sometimes wish they were by themselves.

With regards to what’s happening on the adoption front. I’ve updated Child Welfare about my feelings and hesitations and they were super supporting and understanding. I haven’t put the process on hold. At the moment there are no babies who are up for adoption so I will most probably still be waitlisted for quite some time. All good!