Last week was a bit frustrating. I’m very excited that through my church I’ve been put in touch with a baby home in Johannesburg. But I also learned very quickly that I shouldn’t get too excited and that I shouldn’t try to do things the European way which is to plan everything and be very well prepared. It doesn’t work like that.  I wrote to the home and then a week later I found out I hadn’t used the right email address and when I was given the phone number of the house mom, this was not the correct number. So it took a while before I finally was in touch with the people at the home.

Because I’ve gone through the process here in Cape Town, I thought it would make sense to get my file and bring it with to Jo’burg. But Child Welfare only gives the file when they’ve received a written request from the Social Worker in Jo’burg. And the social worker in Jo’burg I will only be able to meet and talk to when I’m there so there’s no such thing as ‘going prepared’. The orphanage feels it is best when I first meet the baby because I need to know if it is the right baby for me which I can only know when I’ve  met her, seen her, held her and gotten to know her a bit. I ask myself: why would it not be a good baby for me? Is God going to give me a clear message: yes or no?  At this point in time I can’t imagine that it would be a ‘no’. So I need to slow down in my mind and just let it all unfold the way it is supposed to unfold. The meeting is now set for the 5th of March and I guess a LOT can still happen in the meantime. I know that she’s about 4.5 months when I meet her. I’m already flying up to Jo’burg on the 25th of February for work reasons. And then the next week, only God knows what will happen. Will I instantly love this child when I see her? At the moment, I ask myself a lot when I see children: Will she look anything like the little girl who I will be holding in my arms anytime soon? Sometimes it is unreal, sometimes it’s nerve wracking and sometimes I get just SO impatient. My flat is slowly turning into a kiddie’s paradise. Friends have been so awesomely generous with all the things they gave me. Yesterday I was given the first tiny little clothes and on Friday a Dutch friend gave me her ‘baby box’, which we kind of like the first gym of a baby. They can play safely in there and pull themselves up to stand when they’re ready. All I need now is the baby! I’m ready!